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Monday, August 29, 2005

A Good-Looking, Parlous Failure


The step by step assasination of scallops on rice with white asparagus and portobello mushrooms. Can you see where I went wrong? Me neither.

At left, the suspects, white asparagus, lemon juice, portobello mushrooms, Lipton FiestaSides Spanish Rice, Montauk scallops, wooden spoon. Not pictured: me, the culprit, dancing to house music and peeling garlic. (helpful tip: if it doesn't matter, just chop the fucker in half, makes the flakes flake right off)



So here are the sides, looking delicious. White asparagus, as it happens, is cheaper on Fresh Direct than its green bretheren. I don't know why, as it lends an air of holier-than-thou monocromity (monochromism? minimalist, anyway) to a meal and tastes...exactly the same. Portobella mushrooms, as always, are unimpeachably delicious and should be used over all other mushrooms at all times. Yes, even at the Burning Man Festival.

I'm not used to a gas stove, being a West Coast electric style girl, so there are only two settings on the range as far as I'm concerned: Nuclear Fires of Hell, and, Off. Above: a closeup of the vampiric vegetable friends. Note clove of garlic desperately trying to blend in. "Nobody suspects a thing!"



The Lipton rice a-boiling. No, I don't know how I have it in my pantry, or how it got there, but Spanish rice must be used and I thought it a reasonable substitute for paella. Oh how I was wrong.



Now the scallops were set to go for seven minutes sauteeing and I thought I more or less timed the rice with the portobello and asparagus, the rice took longer than I thought and instead of turning OFF the burner like a normal person, I just shook the little bastards baby-in-a-basinet while waiting. Let us name that Tactical Error #2. (Assuming the Lipton rice was #1 which we will cause EUCH.)



The finished product. It looks lovely, and I was quite happy when I sat down but y'all knows what's coming, I already pre-figured it all the way through. The Spanish rice was odd and soggy...and yet crunchy (damn the lack of rice cooker in my apartment! damn it to oblivion!) and altogether overwhelming in terms of "spice" or "flavor". I think it just tried to bludgeon me with its idea of Spanish with the orange color.

The scallops were also poor, they shriveled up, tiny things they were and a bit rubbery texture wise. The overcooking sapped them of the succelent morsels they should have been and I think all that aside, Fresh Direct gave me somewhat fish ingredients to start with. I'm sure I've skipped a crucial step, like steeping them in lemon or something, but I didn't like them.

The portobello turned out great and I managed to somehow char the asparagus, but it was still yummy, not quite al dente but close enough second. I did take pictures throughout and wrestling with my digital camera may have taken the timing off, but I think the whole enterprise may have been doomed from the start. I ate about half, half is now in my fridge, waiting, and then I made Paul Newman popcorn.

Now that, is a real success.

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1 Comments:

Blogger tris said...

where did you get the white asparagus from?

8:37 PM

 

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